my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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