I don't usually arrange sex via text message
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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