Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
