You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
