I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
