hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
