I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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