I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
