dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
