just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
