i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
