I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
