9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
