Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
