He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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