The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
