He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
