I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He? As in you personified your dick?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
