What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i was born a porn star she said
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
