Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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