A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
