he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
