my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
