he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
