She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
