you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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