drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
