Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
