I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
