It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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