so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
