I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
