After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize