Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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