She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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