went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
