I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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