There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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