i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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