enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
FUCK WHALES
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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