Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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