I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
