he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
