Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
