Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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