Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He felt like a one man threesome
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
