Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
