yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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