She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
