I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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