I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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