I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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