Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
