Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
