hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
