I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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