No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
