I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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