a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize