you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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