I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
