its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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