I feel great
I just peed on a car
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
