just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
