How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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