I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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