And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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