why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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