Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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