is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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