she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
