I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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