I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
