A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
