Christians are straight up FREAKS
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Sext me about skeletons
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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