Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
