he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
